Tagged: love

Testimony

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.


1 Corinthians 13:8

What is the purpose of sharing all these testimonies with you? Perhaps in the beginning I wanted to show off, to be someone great. Certainly I thought myself called to great things, even perhaps one of the final two witnesses. But what does Jesus say to me: to love.

I have suffered many years of mental illness. Was I possessed by demons? I do not know for sure for I am no expert on these matters and am a brute of a man with little wisdom. Was my mental illness my fault? I do not know. Things happened in my childhood which I do not want to speak openly about but have had a lasting impact. I am healed of those hurts but the scars remain.

I have been thinking even as I have been preparing these posts of doing another blog sharing “my great knowledge; my great wisdom.” But whatever the future holds for me I do know this: that I must go to my own and tell them of the great things the Lord has done for me. That is why I am choosing to share these testimonies. And I am sharing them here, on a blog for those with mental illness like me.

Were my dreams and visions real? Or were they some sort of fantasy? I do not know, but I do know the effect they are having on me and I am so thankful to my Lord for them.

I shall, if the grace of God permits, continue in the faith, continue at church and continue to tell of what the Lord has done for me. If He wills I share share some things I have learnt, but I cannot say if I will do that just yet. For now I would encourage you, whatever your diagnosis, be it depression, anxiety, a psychosis or BPD or PD or any other. Whatever sins you may have committed, whether your illness is your fault or someone else’s or a combination of the two, know that Jesus loves you and died for you. Yes! And is even risen again and is seated at the right hand of the father.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. – 1 Corinthians 13:13

1 Corinthians 13:13

My Testimony of Trusting

Simple trust and love.
Image credit: https://pixabay.com/en/children-road-distant-supportive-1149671/

When I first started writing these testimonies I wrote many words of my experiences, feelings, shames and boasts. Yet as the prophecy of Agur states in Proverbs 30: “If you have done foolishly…lay your hand upon your mouth.” Besides, much of those long testimonies were riddled with hypocrisy and judgementalism.

I have, in too many ways to relate, been acting like a fool in my life. Yes, through it all I have clung to God the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, the Blessèd Trinity or, rather, He has clung to me. Hope is only found in Jesus Christ and in no other and forgiveness for sins can only be found through His atoning sacrifice upon the cross. Life eternal can only be attained because of His resurrection.

Over the past few months I have been through much. Because I have truly believed that recourse to psychiatric medication is only a short-term solution to a problem of eternal significance and that the transitory comfort such medication has brought me has only led to an imperviousness to the abhorrence of my sinfulness I chose, willingly, to come off my medication over a year ago.A word of caution. The time I am in now is not to be laughed at or taken on lightly. In many ways I’d want to increase my medication – I am now on a low dose due to a verbal agreement with my doctors and nurses – yet I know that the final judgement comes from God and I desire to do what I can to face what I must now rather than when it becomes too late to repent of my many sins. Yet it remains true I believe, that many of us who suffer from mental illness need some comforts in life. We have had a very hard road and some very hard things to deal with, whether that be childhood sexual abuse, violence or have even experienced worse things in this short life we’ve lived. I have chosen my path and you must choose yours. Do not choose to take mine – coming off medication – out of a foolish thought that you could cope when I am only barely surviving day to day and there are only a few times of blessed relief and comfort from the Lord.

Yet I still cling on to the promises of God contained in His word: Scripture reading, good Christian music and as much fellowship with the saints as possible is helping greatly.

Jesus died for us, whoever we may be and whatever we may have thought, said and done. Trust in Him and Him alone, for He is the Rock of Salvation and He loves you.

These verses have both disciplined me for my lack of these qualities and have also comforted me, so I share them here:

“Love suffers long, and is kind; love envies not, love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up, does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

(Note: Scripture verses use the KJV Bible yet I have modernised slightly if the words wouldn’t be understood by many in this present day.)